[long rant] i have been struggling for the past few years. i have this intense anxiety about meeting new people to the point where i think i need help. but at the same time i feel so wrong bc so many people have it worse and i didn’t have any physical symptoms (tbh idk if i should depend on that as a sign to go to therapy or smthn). and it only happens when there’s a trigger or a stressor. but the stressor can appear almost constantly to the point where i would be under stress for quiet a long time. i’m just confused really. i feel lonely bc no one around me seems to be having the same problem as me, if this is a trivial problem. i feel intimidated easily and ofc there have been times where i forced myself to do it, then i’ll find out wow it’s not even bad and all this time i was just unnecessarily giving myself pressure. and i thought doing this constantly will help to ease my anxiety but it seems like i’m in a loop. like my effort are all in vain. it’s becoming unbearable how i feel like dissociating or not really being present while doing my things (another thing, i could still be productive while under stress. i didn’t have trouble getting out of bed so maybe this is not as problematic as i thought it was and i’m just being a dramatic bitch), how i wake up in fear and panic and just have to calm myself down and collect my thoughts to actually get up and do shit. i would overthink about the smallest thing possible like the moment when i had to enter the room, the first interaction i'd probably be having, and all the what ifs. it never ends. im too tired to maintain my positive thoughts